So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
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Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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