and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
