Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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