He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show youâ€
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