She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
