btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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