OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
