my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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