Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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