i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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