Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just gift wrapped bread.
This house was built for laser tag.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
soo... how was my night?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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