I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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