I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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