I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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