when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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