Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
