I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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