My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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