her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
