Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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