Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
