gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
we're so committed to being not committed
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
