u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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