Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
