Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
