She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
