Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
