Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
