What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
