And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
