I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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