if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
