Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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