dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
