At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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