I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
