I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize