5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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