Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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