i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
