just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
