I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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