You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
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My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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