She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
