when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
