It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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