No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
