i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's never too late to be topless.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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