My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
