my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't turn off my feet"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
