yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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