Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
