You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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