I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
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fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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