Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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