At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
