fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
