I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
